The worst pun in existance but a good story
Please forgive the pun. I was repeating the story for years before it was even pointed out to me!
When I was 13 years old the town was considering a deal with an oil company. The deal was to house these huge domes filled with toxic waste which would have been horrid but they would have paid the town lots of money for the property. So it was a real battle. I was very active in the community at the time and knew many of the anti-dome protestors from a very young age having crawled around their art studios. So I was called upon to speak in front of the city council and as the voice of the towns future explain what should be down with the waterfront property instead.
I began my speech with a detailed description of a wildlife park with a museum. Benicia is very historical (the last stop of the pony express, the first capitol of CA, the prostitution town the Gold Rush miners and Jack London visited before heading into the Sierra Nevada) so I asked that we contribute to that image instead (Benicia already has a refinery but it is thankfully hidden away befind the hills).
Then I did a demonstration. Do you remember Rainbow Bright? She was a girl who with her rainbow friends and sprites fought of the polluting merky lurky. It was a popular kids cartoon in the 80s. Well anyhow, I had a white stuffed sprite when I was a kid ... and after explaining the non-polluting message of Rainbow Bright, I compaired the sprite to the neighborhood pets if there was a spill. Thats when I dumped the Sprite into a bag filled with Koch (Carbon - pronounced Coke = the toxic substance) to make my point.
Suffice it to say, after being influenced by my speech and those of the other protesters, the council decided not to allow the domes to be built. Benicia still has a flowey reputation and years later the waterfront was turned into a nature park (but sadly with no musuem). I spoke to the School Board about a different matter the following year and worked on the Mayors campain too. But then I got lazy, and the teenage anyst set in and that was all over ...
Daily Show Purim (exactly a year ago!)
So they were filming something about Rutgers University and need a place to film the interview. The story was about how the policy that students of the investigative journalism class are not allowed to do research on Rutgers was instated AFTER a student proved that the Atletics department got treated special. Stu Miller (the producer/director) choose the university hotel I worked in for the interview but at the last minute decided to film a little bit when Ed Helms barges in on the Rutgers Athletics Dept.
At first they asked the Hotel's conference coordinator if she would play the role of the Athletic Dept Secretary but for university politics reason's she couldn't. So I was called in (thank good I was wearing makeup!) and 15 minutes later they were filming. It took 8 takes for them to be satisfied (I did it differently each time - one time I said a lot, one time I just stared blankly) but they were really nice about it and had tons of suggestions. The first time I couldn't stop smiling. They were great about thinking of new ideas quickly - good with the improv and keeping it real. In the end the picked the last shot where Helms barges in asking to speak to the Athletic Chair and I turn all freaked out and say "Um...he's in a meeting right now" That was it. 30 seconds took 30 minutes to film.
Afterwords, I talked a bit with Ed Helms and Stu Miller. Shallow stuff - you know, small talk. Nothing hilarious but not dull either. Helms was really normal, down-to-earth. Stu had me sign a Waiver and gave me his card. And that was it. They told me it would be shown a week form that day so I of course told everyone one I know to watch.
And as things happened I wasn't bumped once but twice! Bush did too many stupid things in that week I guess. By the time they showed it, I think my friends and family were getting feed up watching it at 11pm each night. I kept on taping it. Wednesday I was disappointed again until (over the phone) a friend screamed that she saw me! I was the trailer for the next days show. And Jon Stewart laughed. Mind you it was Helms who was actually being funny and it coulda been a fake laugh - but being the trailer and all the TV spots all day has got to mean something? Right? The following night, when it was actually on was Purim, so I watched during a drunken party. So did a lot of people apparently including a relative I didn't know went to RU and some acquaintances I didn't tell to watch. Totally bizarre. I got a crazy amount of emails.
The best part of the program wasn't me but Ed Helms questioning the existence of a Rutgers Athletics Dept. He dissed my school on TV!!!! Peoples' reactions were varied (from congrats, to humor, to disgust) and I got a reputation as "the Daily Show Chick" for awhile. It was quite the experience!
Check it out at:
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=124195&title=censor-deprivation
I am BAD luck
I am bad luck for the St Louis Cardinals. Have been from day one ...
1. The last time they won a world series was a month before I was born
2. I have been to many Cardinal games and I can not recall every going to a game they won.
3. 2004 ... world series game 1 ... I was at my Cousin's bar Mitzvah who is a Red Sox fan. In a back room the two families were huddled DURING THE BAR MITZVAH PARTY watching the game. It was when I entered the room the Cardinals lost that game ... initiating the choke that lead to the Red sox victory.
4. The begining of my curse. When I was about 8 months old my parents took me to a cardinal game. I was dressed in a full cardinal onesie with matching hat ... quite the cutie if I must say so. I am not sure how it happened but starting pitcher Joaquin Andujar gave cute little me a kiss for good luck. They lost the game.
A dip in the drink as they say
Time: 11 am
Place: The Bay outside Cabo San Lucus
What: Parasailing
So I tested my fear of heights once again and agreed to go parasailing while we were on vacation in Baha del Sur's Cabo San Lucus. If you don't know anything about Cabo, it is the resort town at the very tip of Baha California in Mexico ... where the Pacific Ocean meets the Sea of Cortez. The Sea of Cortez is relatively calm, warm water of a beautiful aqua marine color. The Pacific is a wild, untamed, cold, light blue beast of waves and undertoe. And here you have both ... With the city facing the Sea and the ocean just on the other side of a row of cliffs, ending with the infamous Cabo Arch, a rock arch between the two bodies of water.
The parasailing was on the Sea side in this huge inlet Cabo sits behind. My brother and I were strapped in side by side. As I nervously gulped, the contraption started and the boat kicked out from under my feet. We were up and as daunting as it was, the view practically destroyed all fear that we were so high up and only accessible by a string. I had just read Peter pan and her I was flying beside my brother looking down on pirate ships and tropical coastline. My brother claimed to see a whale (we did see one later in the boat) but I thought it was just a reef. And we sailed with the wind, or rather were pulled along by the boat, taking it all in. It was over too quickly.
Now it was my father's turn. He was nervous too but tried not to show it. Up he went in tennis shoes and a baseball cap. 10 feet, 20 feet, 30 feet - I was taking pictures the whole time, 40 feet and a gust took him up higher. At 50 feet the boat engine died. And my father was back to 0 feet before you could say WTF? He fell lightly into the water, parashoot and all, trying to stay untangled and above the water. And we couldn't see what was going on.
Some jetskiers came to him and then let us know he was ok. He was mainly annoyed his shoes got wet. Another boat came and picked him and us up to return to shore. We ended up getting a free trip to Lover's beach (the only beach that has access to both the Sea of Cortez and the Pacific Ocean) which you only reach by boat and a my dad got a replacement parasail free of charge (which he took and was uneventful) ... It was during this second outing we saw the humpback whales spout and my brother got bit by a jellyfish ... but that story is for another day.
Money makes the world go around
This one is a classic (might be exagerated by now but all good stories are) and ALL my friends have heard it already but it's too good not to include ...
Lexie was three and a very miscevious child. She was an only child (My brother was born 2 years later) so she was good at playing loudly by herself. That's why when Lexie's mommy noticed that it was way too quiet upstairs, she knew something evil was afoot.
Mommy snuck up the stairs as quietly as she could so she could catch Lexie in the act redhanded. Mommy had almost made it safely but the third stair from the top made a creak. Was it enough to warn 3 year old Lexie? Would little Lexie get away with her trickery?
The smack of two pieces of wood hitting each other came from the master bedroom. Now she knew something was definitely wrong because Lexie was not in her own room with her own toys. When Mommy entered her bedroom nothing seemed amiss. Lexie was curled up on the bed peacefully ... but her eyes ... those eyes Mommy knew better than anyone ... read GUILTLY. But Mommy knew where the wood sound came from. She moved to Daddy's side of the bed and openned the wooden box where Daddy stored some of his money.
Mommy shreaked. Lexie had turned Daddy's money into an art project. She had cut out all the numbers, and all the letters and all the faces and put them in nice little piles. It was beautifully done and completely accurate. Lexie did this with all the ones, fives and was half way through the tens before she was caught. And when Mommy started yelling she really didn't understand what was wrong other than that she touched Daddy's stuff.
When Daddy entered the room, the picture was complete. He broke into uncontrolled laughter. Now Lexie was even more confused. But Daddy had a perfect idea ... why not stick all the money in a plastic bag and give it to Lexie as a sweet sixteen present. If she wanted the money, she had to tape it up herself ... because by then Lexie would understand what she did ....
Since then Lexie has put a fork in an outlet, glued PJs to her carpet, drawn exactly one line in the each section of the fancy cutout decoration of her parents' antique wooden cabinet, and gotten a paperclip stuck in a keyhole. Yet to this day she claims she has learned her lesson.
My most embarrassing moment
What better place to start than with this ... as it is more humorous than anything else.
So it was my senior year of high school and I had calculus midmorning. Calculus, which had been the bane of my existance earlier in the semester due to a complete mental block to related rates, now was actually boring in it's ease. From the back wall of the classroom, I could just barely see the Carquinez Straight through the foggy morning ... the last stronghold of coolness before the hot afternoon slammed it's way into the day. For once I had even already finished my Calculus work so I wasn't even motivated by procrastination to find something entertaining to do. After a quick glance at Mr. (Arma)Dillow to make sure he was preoccupied, my head sank into my arms.
"Do you understand this stuff," Marie asked anxiously, from right behind me.
"Not really, but I think I got the gist of it," I said, "let me see what if I can explain what I did."
So I got out of my desk and stood just to the left of hers, leaning against the wall while I tried to explain. The deeper I got in my explaination, the more I leaned down towards Marie's paper and the more I pressed my but against the wall.
CRACK
I had succeeded in leaning my butt so hard against the glass fire extinguisher box that I shattered the glass. I was not hurt as the glass is special glass designer to shatter without sharp edges, but the entire class looked in my direction at the loud noise ...
UR HER UR HER UR HER
The fire alarm started immediately. As the glass hit the classroom carpeting and I stood up, so did the rest of the amused class as they now had to evacuate the building. I wordlessly (and unlike myself, NOT reflex giggling in embarrassment and tension) climbed to the parking lot with the rest of the school. But I was far from off the hook. Mr. (Arma)Dillow quickly guided me away from the crowds to explain to him and the principal that I was not pulling a prank and that I was only a little unobservant and clutzy with the fire extingisher box.
